If your spouse is not the problem, who is? You are the problem. Everyday in my practice people complain about their spouses and assume that if only their spouses would change then their marriages would work. The reality is that the problems in a marriage never lie solely with one person. Sometimes couples are convinced that their spouse is more dysfunctional than they are and spend time and energy proving this point to everyone. Thinking that your spouse is “the problem” and trying to “fix” him or her won’t help your relationship. Trying to force change on others only creates resistance, and drains precious time and energy that can be channeled into changing yourself. Marriage is hard work and requires both parties to be fully engaged in the process of making it better. If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem. Successful marriages are a partnership of equals whereby each partner takes responsibility for (and only for) their own feelings, thoughts and actions. Getting married is easy; staying married is more difficult. Couples that work on their marriage reap the rewards of their efforts with better health, financial security and emotional well-being. The bottom line is that success or failure in marriage is determined by both partners. Decide to invest in your marriage by improving yourself and correcting your own flaws rather than finding fault in others. You will need to change yourself for the better to have better relationships.
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