How many times have you heard people say “I’m trying to do better?” This line is frequently used in my practice and my response typically is “Trying is lying.” People can expend a lot of energy trying with very little doing. The trying line often is an excuse. It may be that the person doesn’t really want to change, believes they can’t change or doesn’t know how to change. Change requires commitment, motivation, and action. Change can be painful, scary, and uncertain. Many individuals focus on changing others to avoid changing themselves. The reality is that suffering and healing often occur together. In marriage counseling, taking responsibility for changing oneself enhances the probability of success. Unfortunately, many couples fixate on the blame game and get stuck in conflict without resolution. Resolution occurs when you take responsibility for your actions and participate in creating a positive solution. Both husband and wife are responsible for the success or failure of their marriage. Be the more mature one and step up to change. Stop lying and start doing!