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© 2019 by Colgrin

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Security Tied to Sleep


Photo by Krista Mangulsone on Unsplash


What causes people to have disruptive and restless sleep?  A recent study paper provided by Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that having a responsive and supportive partner directly impacts one’s sleep pattern.  Most of us spend up to one-third of our lives asleep, but the quality of our sleep determines how much restorative value we get from it.  Restorative sleep occurs when people feel safe, secure, protected, and connected.  The results suggest that responsive partners can lower anxiety, arousal, and improve sleep which leads to happier and healthier lives.  In other words, when you think your partner understands and cares for you, your sleep quality improves along with your well-being.

Many of the couples that I work with complain that their partners don’t listen to them, value their feelings, or have compassion for their circumstances.  In fact, many individuals feel invalidated by their partner and assume they don’t care about their feelings.  Obviously this creates anger, resentment, and eventually detachment.  Couples grow apart when they believe or experience either non responsiveness or verbal attacks from their spouse.  We all want to be heard, respected, valued, and understood, especially from our spouse.  When we connect with our spouse, we feel a greater sense of comfort and security.

What causes people to have disruptive and restless sleep?  A recent study paper provided by Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that having a responsive and supportive partner directly impacts one’s sleep pattern.  Most of us spend up to one-third of our lives asleep, but the quality of our sleep determines how much restorative value we get from it.  Restorative sleep occurs when people feel safe, secure, protected, and connected.  The results suggest that responsive partners can lower anxiety and arousal, and improve sleep which leads to happier and healthier lives.  In other words, when you think your partner understands and cares for you, your sleep quality improves along with your well-being.

Many of the couples that I work with complain that their partners don’t listen to them, value their feelings, or have compassion for their circumstances.  In fact, many individuals feel invalidated by their partner and assume they don’t care about their feelings.  Obviously this creates anger, resentment, and eventually detachment.  Couples grow apart when they believe or experience either non responsiveness or verbal attacks from their spouse.  We all want to be heard, respected, valued, and understood, especially from our spouse.  When we connect with our spouse, we feel a greater sense of comfort and security.

Life is extremely busy and hectic in a normal week, but add the holidays and overload quickly occurs.  We can make sure we take care of our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, but having a partner who steps up, helps out, and provides emotional support without having to be asked makes life a little easier.  Working as a team and knowing someone has your back can provide greater comfort and security, especially when they “get” you.  As we approach Thanksgiving, be grateful for the people who support, encourage, and validate you.  We are all in need of love and acceptance, especially when stressed out, overwhelmed, and feeling under appreciated.  Take the time to tell others how much they mean to you.

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