Do you have a difficult time saying what you are thinking/feeling or do you have a hard time letting things go? Maybe you can identify with both. There are those individuals who analyze situations, people, circumstances to death, but rarely speak their minds. These people are emotional stuffers and would rather internalize conflict than share it with others. Maybe they struggle with insecurity, fears, or assume their words are not going to be well-received so they’d rather keep the feelings or issue inside. They operate from the mindset, “don’t bother saying it if nothing is going to change.” Wrong! We can’t predict others’ responses. The reason to share has less to do with others’ responses and more to do with releasing the negative emotions that are bottled up inside.
On the other hand, there are those individuals who can’t leave or let go whatever feelings or issue they have and choose to repeat themselves incessantly until they feel the person has heard them or a change has occurred. The assumption is that if I forgive, let go, and leave it, I will be setting myself up for more pain and disappointment. Remember we can’t change others’ behaviors and are only responsible for our own actions. Fear and insecurity along with hurt, anger, and resentment can prevent people from letting go of their pain. Letting go of negative emotions does not imply a healed and reconciled relationship, but it does allow for individual healing and releasing the internal burden that you’ve harbored. Nagging and belaboring the point can create more frustration and bad feelings and will certainly limit the likelihood of a positive response. So what do I need to do?
Work on being transparent, direct and open with others when you’re thinking or feeling badly about something that was said or done. Occasionally we can let things slide when we’re irritated, but if the frustration lingers and lasts beyond a few hours, it may be time to share your frustrations. Of course sharing them assertively and constructively will produce the best results, but focus on getting rid of the bad feelings regardless of the response. Sometimes negative thoughts and feelings take up way too much space in our heads. Decide to say it and leave it behind, but remember that this is a choice and requires intentionality. Life is short and being consumed with negativity only adds to our already stressful lives. Say it and leave it!