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Low Power Marriage

Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

In our new book, “Change Your Life, Not Your Wife,” Dr. Weiss and I discuss the power failure syndrome.  This happens to be a recurring theme in my psychology practice: success at work, but failure at home.  The need for power can drive people to make bad choices and sometimes self-destruct.  I’ve discussed this type of marriage both in my book and prior blogs.  But what about low power marriages?  This refers to a situation where the couple has over time lost their intensity or connectedness but hasn’t necessarily self-destucted. Has your flame burned out and the passion been extinguished?  Or maybe you’re left with smoldering embers that only occasionally ignite.  Low power marriages are also problematic.  The results of  low power marriages are similar to high power marriages.  In both cases the emotional and physical connection are limited or nonexistent and in both there is usually unresolved conflict.  Are you living like your spouse is your roommate, business partner, or sibling/child?  Low powered couples are rarely affectionate, have very few deep and intimate conversations, and look for power and passion in other activities or relationships.  What do children learn about relationships from their parents’ low power modeling?  Some couples spend many nights sleeping in separate bedrooms and only engage in logistical type conversations.  The book covers these type of issues as well and offers strategies to enhance all types of relationships.  Marriage works, but it also takes work.  Next week I’ll discuss specific tools for low powered couples.

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