So what do you do if you’re in an emotionally disconnected relationship? Hopefully after reading last week’s blog you better understand why people have difficulties with attachment. Many of the patients that I work with are unaware until told by someone else like a spouse that they are emotionally distant, disconnected, and detached. So like everything else in life accepting the problem and having a desire to change is essential. What about those who aren’t willing to accept or feel the need to change? Welcome to my world. I deal with this issue daily and do my best to explain the impact of the problem and share the benefits of change. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. For those who are motivated to change the process is smooth, effective, and beneficial. One exercise I use to raise awareness of emotion is to identify ten emotions (five positive, five negative) and place one emotion on an index card that you draw from everyday. The emotion you select is your “emotion for the day” which doesn’t mean that you have to feel it, but instead look for that emotion in you or someone you encounter. At the end of the day, share your experience with your partner and describe the emotion you observed or experienced yourself. Expressing emotion regularly helps you to be more attentive and aware of others’ emotions too. Try validating or acknowledging others’ feelings and you’ll find it increases your connection. Recall from last week that emotions connect people. For women emotional connection increases their desire for physical connection. Work on self-disclosure, vulnerability, and active listening if you want to have greater connection. Lastly, remember that women connect through conversation and men connect through activity. Your legacy is manifested in your relationships, work to deepen your connections.
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