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Human Doing Versus Being

As we rapidly approach the holiday season, we are reminded of the craziness of this time of year.  Each of us approaches the holidays differently and our unique traits are intensified during this stressful time.  Some of us approach life focusing on doing while others focus on being.  What is your focus, “human doing” or “human being?”  How about your spouse?  The doers tend to ratchet up their drive during demanding times while the “human being” types may slow down even further.  This can create significant conflict in a relationship.  The doer’s focus is on completing tasks and chores occasionally neglecting the connections with people or missing the importance of the interaction, while the be-ers are programmed to be still and enjoy the process.  The problem appears when a doer is married to the person more comfortable with being instead of doing.  The holidays are stressful enough without this added conflict of working against each other rather than with each other.  We have more chores over the holidays, more commitments, and more stress, but it doesn’t have to be painful if we can work together on balancing our work with fun. Couples are often out of balance with their marriage and the holidays intensifies that imbalance.  What is the best solution?  Neither approach works better than the other, but they are certainly different.  The key is balance and moderation.  A compromise might sound like this: Let’s work on putting up the Christmas lights for two hours and then go for a walk on the beach with a Starbucks coffee.    Next week I will share more ways to make the holidays less stressful and more enjoyable.

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