Are you in a marriage that has continual conflict, but no resolution? Many of the couples I work with consistently have trouble achieving resolution. Do you know what resolution looks like? Did you observe it growing up? Plenty of people witnessed conflict during their childhoods, but very few saw resolution. Some witnessed intense and destructive conflict while others never saw any discord. Everyone reacts differently to their childhood experiences, but most either choose the same approach that they witnessed or incorporate a complete opposite style. For instance, being exposed to volatile and intense conflict can result in either a total avoidance of conflict or an eagerness to approach conflict without any concern about the destructive impact. The point being that neither approach is effective or positive. Conflict doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, people grow through conflict and can make positive changes. Adversity often forces people to tap into their deepest strengths and abilities. Don’t shy away from conflict, but have the necessary tools and skills to maneuver through it. For starters, it’s essential that you agree on what the conflict is and can define it before seeking to resolve it. A very important step towards resolution is expressing and validating the emotions tied to the conflict. This will assist with the brainstorming, negotiating, and compromising steps which follow. Lastly, select an agreed upon solution, implement the decision, and let go of the conflict. Resolution comes from releasing the negative emotions caused by the conflict and implementing a mutually agreed upon solution. Allowing our children to be exposed to healthy conflict and effective resolution will benefit them greatly when dealing with their own conflict. Give them the gift of closure and nurture peace in your life.
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