Affairs Not Real Relationships

Photo by veeterzy on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered why relationships that started as affairs often fail?  Can that new couple ever trust each other?  Often affairs occur because something is missing in a marriage or in the spouse who strays.  That void appears to be filled with the new person.  However, the problem is that they never figure out or address what might have caused the void and how they might have contributed to the failed relationship.  Instead they carry the emotional baggage and underlying issues to the next relationship.  Before too long they realize that this person is unable to fill the void either or there is a new void.  The reason that second and third marriages have such a high divorce rate (60 to 75%) is because the individual issues, conflicts, and emotions are never addressed when you look to replace the person rather than change yourself.  Affairs start with excitement, intrigue, risk, and passion, but this typically doesn’t last. In affairs, you don’t have shared responsibilities, mutual decision-making, and regular conflicts that require resolution.  Affairs are all about having fun, escaping reality, and focusing entirely on yourself. If the affair results in divorce and a committed relationship with new person then you experience the daily grind together, and often the reemergence of the issues from the previous marriage.   There are multiple reasons why these relationships don’t work, so don’t kid yourself into thinking that trading out your partner will solve all of your problems.  Instead consider working on your marriage and/or yourself before having an affair.  If you do have an affair, get counseling to figure out why so you don’t make the same mistake again.