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Loss In Divorce

What do you lose when you get a divorce? The losses run deep and are many. Certainly financial security and stability is lost. The lifestyle that you’ve become accustomed to is lost since your income/assets are virtually cut in half. This may result in stay at home parents having to return to work full-time and giving up time with their children. Losing the ability to wake-up every single morning with your children is also lost. Sharing them with your ex-spouse may be a difficult loss and having less influence over the parenting when your ex-partner is with them also can be a major adjustment. The marriage may have been dead for a while before the divorce, but losing the companionship and close connection to another person can be painful in spite of the failed marriage. Divorce requires grieving even if you believe it was the best choice, because inevitably loss does occur. Although there are many other losses and adjustments in divorce, it may be helpful to also share the hope and optimism in this decision. In some cases divorced parents are more involved with their children than they were when they were married. Divorce can end the perpetual tension, resentment, and bitterness that permeates the household and impacts everyone. Going through divorce can propel an individual to take charge of his/her life, establish an individual identity, and grow through the pain. I’m not an advocate for divorce, rather I’m an advocate for marriage. Sometimes spouses see only two options available when there is conflict or hurt in a marriage: divorce or staying in the dysfunctional and unhealthy marriage. Which is the lesser of two evils? My vote is a third option which requires change for both parties and work to heal the relationship. Next week I’ll discuss why I believe “marriage works.”

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