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Just Do It!

Last week I discussed low power marriages and the slow and insidious destruction of relationships that have not be fed.  So what should you do if your marriage has no passion?  Firstly, take action immediately.  Stop the score-keeping, mud-slinging, and pouting that keeps many couples stuck. Create ways to connect with your partner through activities, conversation, and affection.  In couples counseling I encourage each person to generate a “fun list” which are activities that they find pleasurable and enjoyable.  These could be activities that both of you like or things you enjoy independently.  An example may be walking on the beach, going to a concert, riding bikes, or having a coffee together. Make sure you make a copy of your list for your partner.  Also, engage in conversations that are meaningful, emotional, and deep at least once per week.  Focus on the positive aspects of your partner and share them with each other.  Think of marriage like a bank account with both deposits (compliments, hugs, etc.) and withdrawals (hurtful comments, silent treatment, etc.).  Choose to let go of the past hurts, forgive your spouse, and release the emotional pain while investing more time and energy into the relationship.  Spontaneity is helpful to marriages that lack passion.  Go away for an overnight with your partner, better yet, make it a surprise.  Some couples get into a rut and do the same thing every day and on weekends as well.  Change up your routine and try something that you’ve never done before, such as taking paddle boarding lessons together.  Be adventurous, take the initiative, fight for your marriage.  Remember marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100.  Start today!

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