Photo by Ugur Akdemir on Unsplash
How many people do you know who pose as caregivers, but are instead codependent? Many individuals seek to fix their loved ones and in the process assume responsibility for others actions and emotions. People don’t realize that care-giving and rescuing are forms of control and are typically not well received. This dynamic occurs consistently in couples whereby the spouse works very hard at changing her partner. The harder the person tries to change his/her partner, the greater the resistance to change. Focusing on changing others will keep you frustrated, resentful, and powerless. Instead of working at changing your partner, share the impact that their behavior has on you in an assertive way. Another approach is to work on changing yourself. Try not to rush in and try to “fix” what you perceive to be a problem situation created by your spouse. Work to modify your response and allow the other person the space to fix their own problems. Use your time, energy, and effort to change yourself and hopefully your partner will decide to change with you. That person may realize that if they don’t change with you, they may lose you forever. Change requires courage, determination, and drive, but it also requires focusing on the right person, which is you!